Sticks and Stones

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Nearly everyone has heard the nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This song has been passed on to little children of various cultures for generations. The premise of it is meant to be positive and empowering, but it may send the opposite message.

Physical violence mirrors the sticks and stones. They leave bruises, broken bones, and sometimes scars that last a lifetime. Some persons experience bullying, domestic violence, and even physical abuse from their caregivers. The effects of physical violence can be catastrophic. The flashing red and blue lights outside the window and blaring siren may be telling signs that things have gone too far.

Words, however, have the power to cut like a knife and leave no visible wound. There’s also no enforcer to tell you when you’ve crossed the line. As much as we would like to say that words don’t hurt, the truth is they do. A broken bone can heal, a cut can scab over, and a bruise can disappear. No doubt, the process is painful, but with time the body will naturally heal itself. Words have the power to continue digging at the emotional wound. When a child is called a “bad seed” if not given a supportive environment, they will believe it for the rest of their life. Their every behavior would be governed by it, either as a way to prove it wrong or to prove it right. It will be repeated in their heads long enough till they will believe it themselves.

            

With a song like this, children may get the message that they are not supposed to hurt when things are said to them. And then when they do, they may be ashamed to voice that pain. The words we say do have an impact. They may not always be received the way we meant, but they can influence a person’s character and sense of worth. Rather than pretending, they don’t hurt, we can acknowledge the discomfort but not restrict ourselves to it. Likewise, if we’ve said something that hurt someone, we should take ownership and recognize that person’s hurt.

So before you speak, think; are you building or destructing? Are you nurturing or belittling? Sticks and stones may break my bones, and words hurt but do not define me.

~Davrielle J. Valley, NCC, MS